I want to be like you

Several days ago was my birth-weekend! :)

Naturally, I decided to spend it at the 'lake resort', tucked away in a remote little town north of Athens. The location was chosen for me by a team of amazing women, who were all congregating together to love, serve, and ultimately, to glorify their Lord.

I have had numerous other get-aways of this same nature, but I realized something on this weekend that I had not noticed before: I always seem find someone at this particular retreat that I long to be like.

I was particularly blessed on this weekend, being that I had at least four wonderful ladies who fit this role. Each one of them has a character that I long to emulate. I found myself slowly following their every move, staring at their feet as they walked. This would seem like wisdom, save that while I was staring below, close on their heels, they were gazing ahead- where they were going. I did not completely overtake them so much as to step on their heels, but I came close enough to have an embarassing stumble as I re-paced my steps before toppling over one of them!

I cannot express my embarassment thereafter. Oh the shame! [Sweet Jesus, who looks on and smiles.]

But I learned this- that my heart longs to have a role model. I yearn to have someone to look up to and to imitate and to aim my life towards becoming more like them.

I raise my glass to you, my darling women- mothers and grandmothers of my heart, for you look where you are going. If I am to be like you, I must not look at you, but I must look to where you are going.

I do hope to see you along the way, sweet world.

Tonight, as I listen to my slow jazz worship, and with the scent of Japanese Cherry Blossom rising above the solitary tea light, I write this in my journal: "Grant me a new heart- a heart that will satisfy itself in You. Grant me the first two commandments in order- that I would love You with all my heart, soul, strength, and mind. Father, give me eyes for You and for You alone. Help me to let go of the second command until I get the first command."

As I closed, it came to me that this endeavor was never Him against my heart... truth is- I just want to be more like Him.

This is a journey I can look forward to, that my heart can cling to, and that my soul can pour forth into.

I want to be like You.