A little less armor

I am realizing I think the Lord wants to walk me into vulnerability again.

Willingly. It is very much a point where I know He has asked my permission.

And He has been so patient for so long. I trust Him.

And now my arm is in His and He is walking me down the aisle to vulnerability.

And I'm scared.

And at the same time, so excited.

I really want this. I really want to be open with Him again, and to trust His children again.

Life means knowing Him. ..... here we go.

I love You; I'll prove it...

I love You. And I'll prove it!

Wonderful revelation the other day... one of those that you know was God, because you certainly weren't going to come up with it on your own?!...

I think a lot about loving God more, and showing it to Him. Half the time I think I'm trying to convince myself-- constantly seeking evidence of my love for Him, just to make sure I'm not making up my affections out of nothing. He seems to be so clever at determining who genuinely loves Him, and who has falsely convinced themselves that they do. [Matthew 7:21-23]

Sometimes I'll just say it over and over, believing that the more I say it, the more He will believe me...
'I love You. I love You. I love You...'
I love You; I'll prove it...

Sometimes I will think about all those times I responded to Him and loved His children.
"If you love me, feed my sheep." -John 21: 15, 16, 17
'Remember that time I...?'
'I will love him...'
'I will love her...'
I love You; I'll prove it...

Most the time I think about how obedient I have or haven't been.  Sulking on all the many times I have completely flung myself outside of His will or commandments, and banking on my moments of obedience.
"If you love me, you will obey My commands." -John 14:15
'I wanted to do this, but I didn't...'
'You asked me to do that, and I did...'
I love you; I'll prove it...

And then it begins.

'I remember when I was angry with You...'
'I remember when I flung her to the wolves, and pierced his heart...'
'I remember when You begged me not to do that, and I did it over and over and over.
     Everytime You asked me not to, I did it.
You told me to surrender, and I clung.
You asked me not to judge her, and I did.
You asked me to be gentle with him, and I was careless.
I don't remember what I'm proving....

And the fear...

'Do I love You?'
'I love You.... i love You.... i...'
'do i?'
'do i love you at all?'

And then on an ordinary Sunday, just because He loves me... He opened my eyes...


'I love You. And I'll prove it...'
'You'll never fall in love with Me by analyzing yourself...'

freedom.

Do I love Him? .... LOOK at Him!

-He abounds in love! [Exodus 34:6]
-I can't even fathom His understanding [Isaiah 40:28]
-He is stubbornly patient with me [1 Timothy 1:16]
-He takes pleasure in me [Song of Solomon 2:14]
-All glory and honor and power and wealth and wisdom and strength and praise are His. Forever. [Revelation 5:12] And let's face it; that's attractive.

......

-He loves me. more than anyone [John 15:13]

Of course I love Him.  Because look at Him.