Repentance vs. Fearing Rejection

So here's a well-welcomed slap in the paradigmatic face: many times what I had been considering to be a feeling of repentance was really just a fear inside me that I would be rejected by God. I remember many times struggling through repentance, riddled with fear, and confused. Why was my repentance not alleviating my fear? It is because my 'I'm sorry's were really more pleas of 'please don't look at me.'

I won't pretend to describe how settling it was this morning when I was working through something and asked the Lord for forgiveness, and His response was 'You are afraid I will reject you.' I wasn't really asking for forgiveness... It was the only thing I knew to say in the presence of rejection.

Leave it to Him to ignore my request for forgiveness and go straight to "I'm not rejecting you..."

So many scriptures flood the mind: "His kindness leads to repentance" [not my repentance leads to His kindness] "approach the throne of grace with confidence"...

I could write about 10 blogs on this, but however poorly executed it may be in my own life, I do really believe that repentance is much less about how filthy we are, and much more about how incredibly holy He is. If I want to understand repentance and forgiveness at all, I need to sit and gaze at His righteousness and soak in His holiness. I mean truly sit in amazement and in awe of His glory.

Only then I can realize that Jesus was enough for me. And out of that place, I will find true repentance. Because then it is not out of a debilitating fear that I will be rejected... it is in a place of faith knowing that "oh my Lord, He is so holy and pure and perfect, and He was enough for me, and I am accepted by You and by Him..." and out of a place of acceptance... to ask for His forgiveness.

Have you ever had a friend so wonderful that you are able to lay your failures right before them, and know the whole time that they will accept you? It is somewhat rare and incredibly beautiful and freeing.

To be on friendly terms with God is just an incredible thing, and it really is no wonder that I have such a hard time fathoming it when I feel like I should have disappointed Him. But when I take my eyes off myself and really consider who He is... I can ask forgiveness out of a place of friendship. And that is freeing. 

That is when repentance will lead to what I had thought it would lead to all this time: rest. (Isaiah 30:15a)

Is That Necessary?!

Ok people... let's discuss detergent.

I mean if the name itself doesn't say it all... detergent. deter... gent.

Deter- "to discourage or restrain from acting or proceeding" [dictionary.com]
Gent- ... short for gentleman? ... or "elegant; graceful"

This does not bode well.

Ok, ok... yes, I know it is really an agent of deterge [to cleanse, to wash off].

But let me show you the source of my hysterics:

THIS!!!

This, people, is the source of my hysterics!

And this is only ONE brand!

TIDE!





I feel like they should have motion sensors that go off whenever you walk down this aisle, that immediately send off symphonies of music from horror films. Particularly that lovely note that is tension-riddled and sounds 3 times.  Because that is precisely what is going on in my head when I see this HORRID aisle!

WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY NEED WITH 4 MILLION DETERGENT CHOICES?!

It starts with the type. How do you want it? Liquid? Because if you don't want liquid, we do have it in powder, you know. Although... who can stand all that POURING?! Try our easy-to-use Tide PODS!!!!   Seriously America?!?! You can't just pour some liquid into a large gaping hole?!

But why stop there? Because there are soooooo many different types of dirt to get out of your different types of clothing. Thus, we have a different detergent, for every single piece of clothing you currently have heaping in your laundry basket.

We have whiter whites [because who can stand a dull white?], odor elimination [because even though the other ones clean... the smell is still horrid], sports fabrics [because those are so different?], Dye and Perfume free [because even our smell-good ones don't smell good], faded clothes [............. because our older versions apparently failed miserably?], and extra stain removal [not to be confused with the stain boosters, which is a separate product to be sprayed pre-wash].

Not enough? Do you want bleach? Acti-Lift? Tide plus febreeze? Tide plus febreeze SPORT? [HONESTLY?! FEBREEZE SPORT?!], Tide Free, Tide plus Downy, or for your special washers, HE Tide with Acti-Lift.

I honestly cried, outloud, in the middle of the store: "DO YOU CLEAN?! OR DO YOU NOT CLEAN?! THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW!"

What happened to the good ole days? "Wow... that's dirty... throw it in the wash! ... with some soap!"

Done. Cleaned. Stain gone. Happy Birthday!

Ok... I'll get off my soap box now. Quite literally. :)

This post is in compliance with the annual Kelli-rant code, and has been filed under 'mild hysterics.' No clothes were cleaned in the writing of this post.

Just Another Satisfying Saturday!

So we all know that Saturday TV is just about the worst... but nothing beats Saturday radio! It's as though the DJ's realize that life really isn't all that bad on a Saturday!

Honestly absolutely nothing special about this picture. Except that I took it while I was extremely contented with my Saturday afternoon drive to the grocery store, listening to the aforementioned excellent radio shuffle. (The grocery store trip was great- yogurt, 96 fluid ounces of Gatorade, and new eye shadow!) I stopped momentarily at the Red Box, but about 10 seconds of cold wind while holding my four bags of groceries really was more than I bargained for. I decided I had plenty of movies at home. :)

And so THIS became my Saturday afternoon!!!!

The essence of happiness! Pizza Hutt Supreme (Pizza Hutt being the absolute best pizza, and no I will not argue this one, because it's obvious!), fluids, fluids, and more fluids, and an upbeat musical based on Abba songs! I'm sorry... how could one be sad on a day such as this?! Impossible.

It's been an excellent afternoon, my friends. Hoping your day is full of peace. :)

Cheers!! And God Bless!