My Hosea

Where is my Hosea.

I was not created for the desert. Where is my Hosea God? You are who I long for. You know I love the moments when You speak tenderly to me and when You allure me sweetly towards righteousness and patience. But right now I need my earlier Hosea. The Hosea that gets me to the desert in the first place.  I need my God whose strength is great enough for me. My broad-shouldered God whose mighty chest is firm enough for me to pound on in my frustration, and yet stands firm knowing at heart that I love Him. I love You, my Lamb, but I am pining after You, my Lion. Where is my God whose roar is louder than my own? Where is He who understands my confusion and hurts with a fire hot enough to turn tables fiercely on their sides?

Where is my Love whose eyes burn with fire? Where is Your mighty horse and Your army of angels? Where is my Commander?

If you find Him, tell Him I need Him. Tell Him I am lovesick over Him.

I was not made for the desert.

Your jealousy has unnerved me, my Husband. I have not acknowledged You, and now I tumble in in the wake of your turmoil. All Your waves and breakers are rushing over me. You have not allowed me to wade peacefully in the waters, but have stirred them in Your frustration over my neglect. You thrash in your pain and I am undone as You writhe so close to me; if You had left me out of disdain I would not have known your exasperation, but you remained close and thus Your commotion affects me. I am in love with You, my Husband. Never leave me. I would rather gurgle in the wake of Your jealousy than to float peacefully with You too far away to feel.

Do not refrain your stubbornness for my affection; I will respond to You. I had forgotten how You loved me. But Your jealousy has sparked the memory. I assumed You would move on without me. But You have not.

You are still here.

Pining.

You are my Hosea.
And I love You.