Sunday, February 23, 2014

When Love Looks Like Conflict


My happiness today is a result of conflict. Confused?
What do you think? What does love look like? Real, heart-wrenching, I-love-you-and-I-won’t-help-it love.

I think we mistake admiration for love sometimes. Don’t get me wrong- admiration is powerful and wonderful!!! There are so many people that I admire. And I think a good handful of people who admire me. But a rectangle is not always a square.

Any relationship that gets close enough to use the word ‘love’, is at some point going to require communication. Love is most often wonderful and consuming and satisfying! But love is also vulnerable.

As unfortunate or backwards as it may seem, I have come to realize over the years that the best way to discern love is to look for the people who are willing to address the uncomfortable.

Sometimes love is messy. Sometimes love looks like conflict.

There are times that we need to take our annoyances, set them aside, forget them, and move on. But there are at other times comments or actions that run a little further than pet peeve. And I think we can deceive ourselves thinking that in love we can swallow our hurt and not address it, but we silently build walls around that portion of our heart and close off from that person in that area.

A mentor (in actual love) recently shared some things that they see about me that were very difficult for me to hear. Some of them painfully and obviously true, and maybe one or two that are misunderstandings. Feeling misunderstood was probably the hardest part. Not going to lie- there was crying.

But after the defense mechanism fades, and offense is overridden, there lies this glimmer of hope in me. Let’s do this. I’m in. Because whatever hurt there may be, or whatever misunderstandings there may be, they are willing to bring them up.

And I cherish that beyond words.

Beyond words.

It takes serious guts to address our own hurt, or to admit that we see something that is hindering life in a friend. And yet those friends are out there! There really are people that not only admire us, but want to be close to us, and will inevitably see those secret strands of imperfection. And then the kicker- love us enough NOT to say goodbye at that point, but to address their concerns.

JESUS!

Iron sharpens iron.

These people who have chosen to battle with me are the people I have given highest priority in my life. (A short list: my parents, my husband, a couple best friends, and my God.) No, I’m not just going to surround myself with people who don’t believe in me and speak illy of me. But if someone loves me enough to get close to me, and once I have offended, to address that rather than run?

CHERISH! CHERISH I SAY!

It’s just Jesus through and through.

I am so thankful to be loved so well.  And I have so much more to learn, but I really do at heart want to love well.

Christ in me, the hope of glory!

In conclusion- I am happy today, because I have been working on those things that my mentor addressed, and for the remaining misunderstandings, I know I have another person in my life willing to get dirty. Yay loving body of Christ!

Beautiful friendships = playing in the dirt together!


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