Is That Necessary?!

Ok people... let's discuss detergent.

I mean if the name itself doesn't say it all... detergent. deter... gent.

Deter- "to discourage or restrain from acting or proceeding" [dictionary.com]
Gent- ... short for gentleman? ... or "elegant; graceful"

This does not bode well.

Ok, ok... yes, I know it is really an agent of deterge [to cleanse, to wash off].

But let me show you the source of my hysterics:

THIS!!!

This, people, is the source of my hysterics!

And this is only ONE brand!

TIDE!





I feel like they should have motion sensors that go off whenever you walk down this aisle, that immediately send off symphonies of music from horror films. Particularly that lovely note that is tension-riddled and sounds 3 times.  Because that is precisely what is going on in my head when I see this HORRID aisle!

WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY NEED WITH 4 MILLION DETERGENT CHOICES?!

It starts with the type. How do you want it? Liquid? Because if you don't want liquid, we do have it in powder, you know. Although... who can stand all that POURING?! Try our easy-to-use Tide PODS!!!!   Seriously America?!?! You can't just pour some liquid into a large gaping hole?!

But why stop there? Because there are soooooo many different types of dirt to get out of your different types of clothing. Thus, we have a different detergent, for every single piece of clothing you currently have heaping in your laundry basket.

We have whiter whites [because who can stand a dull white?], odor elimination [because even though the other ones clean... the smell is still horrid], sports fabrics [because those are so different?], Dye and Perfume free [because even our smell-good ones don't smell good], faded clothes [............. because our older versions apparently failed miserably?], and extra stain removal [not to be confused with the stain boosters, which is a separate product to be sprayed pre-wash].

Not enough? Do you want bleach? Acti-Lift? Tide plus febreeze? Tide plus febreeze SPORT? [HONESTLY?! FEBREEZE SPORT?!], Tide Free, Tide plus Downy, or for your special washers, HE Tide with Acti-Lift.

I honestly cried, outloud, in the middle of the store: "DO YOU CLEAN?! OR DO YOU NOT CLEAN?! THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW!"

What happened to the good ole days? "Wow... that's dirty... throw it in the wash! ... with some soap!"

Done. Cleaned. Stain gone. Happy Birthday!

Ok... I'll get off my soap box now. Quite literally. :)

This post is in compliance with the annual Kelli-rant code, and has been filed under 'mild hysterics.' No clothes were cleaned in the writing of this post.