Is That Necessary?!

Ok people... let's discuss detergent.

I mean if the name itself doesn't say it all... detergent. deter... gent.

Deter- "to discourage or restrain from acting or proceeding" [dictionary.com]
Gent- ... short for gentleman? ... or "elegant; graceful"

This does not bode well.

Ok, ok... yes, I know it is really an agent of deterge [to cleanse, to wash off].

But let me show you the source of my hysterics:

THIS!!!

This, people, is the source of my hysterics!

And this is only ONE brand!

TIDE!





I feel like they should have motion sensors that go off whenever you walk down this aisle, that immediately send off symphonies of music from horror films. Particularly that lovely note that is tension-riddled and sounds 3 times.  Because that is precisely what is going on in my head when I see this HORRID aisle!

WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY NEED WITH 4 MILLION DETERGENT CHOICES?!

It starts with the type. How do you want it? Liquid? Because if you don't want liquid, we do have it in powder, you know. Although... who can stand all that POURING?! Try our easy-to-use Tide PODS!!!!   Seriously America?!?! You can't just pour some liquid into a large gaping hole?!

But why stop there? Because there are soooooo many different types of dirt to get out of your different types of clothing. Thus, we have a different detergent, for every single piece of clothing you currently have heaping in your laundry basket.

We have whiter whites [because who can stand a dull white?], odor elimination [because even though the other ones clean... the smell is still horrid], sports fabrics [because those are so different?], Dye and Perfume free [because even our smell-good ones don't smell good], faded clothes [............. because our older versions apparently failed miserably?], and extra stain removal [not to be confused with the stain boosters, which is a separate product to be sprayed pre-wash].

Not enough? Do you want bleach? Acti-Lift? Tide plus febreeze? Tide plus febreeze SPORT? [HONESTLY?! FEBREEZE SPORT?!], Tide Free, Tide plus Downy, or for your special washers, HE Tide with Acti-Lift.

I honestly cried, outloud, in the middle of the store: "DO YOU CLEAN?! OR DO YOU NOT CLEAN?! THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW!"

What happened to the good ole days? "Wow... that's dirty... throw it in the wash! ... with some soap!"

Done. Cleaned. Stain gone. Happy Birthday!

Ok... I'll get off my soap box now. Quite literally. :)

This post is in compliance with the annual Kelli-rant code, and has been filed under 'mild hysterics.' No clothes were cleaned in the writing of this post.

Just Another Satisfying Saturday!

So we all know that Saturday TV is just about the worst... but nothing beats Saturday radio! It's as though the DJ's realize that life really isn't all that bad on a Saturday!

Honestly absolutely nothing special about this picture. Except that I took it while I was extremely contented with my Saturday afternoon drive to the grocery store, listening to the aforementioned excellent radio shuffle. (The grocery store trip was great- yogurt, 96 fluid ounces of Gatorade, and new eye shadow!) I stopped momentarily at the Red Box, but about 10 seconds of cold wind while holding my four bags of groceries really was more than I bargained for. I decided I had plenty of movies at home. :)

And so THIS became my Saturday afternoon!!!!

The essence of happiness! Pizza Hutt Supreme (Pizza Hutt being the absolute best pizza, and no I will not argue this one, because it's obvious!), fluids, fluids, and more fluids, and an upbeat musical based on Abba songs! I'm sorry... how could one be sad on a day such as this?! Impossible.

It's been an excellent afternoon, my friends. Hoping your day is full of peace. :)

Cheers!! And God Bless!

Downfalls of Having Your Boss' Cell Phone Number

It was a chilling night in the bedroom of a young and sleepless girl. Everything within her shook with an uneasiness which every second convinced her more so that something was wrong. Careful consideration and countless minutes of pouring over the nights' events led her to the only possible conclusion: it was the chili.

Ohhhhhhhh the chili. This girl was never made for chili in the first place. And now her body was telling her exactly what it felt about her consumption thereof.

You have probably guessed it already- but yes, I did in fact stay up the wee hours of the morning having all kinds of stomach issues [the details of which I will spare you- I should be the only one traumatized in this story]!

But here is where the major downfall of the story takes place. Trying to be a decent employee, I wisely chose to call my boss and inform her that I would be an hour or two late coming in. This would all have been swell, were it not for the fact that I have her cell phone number.

It's funny how 4:15 in the morning can have such a debilitating effect on one's mind. Rather than dialing my work number, and skillfully wandering my way through the automated dialing system to find her name, my only thought was: "I need to call [boss' name]...", and so.... that is what I did! I scrolled right through my contacts, and proudly pressed s'end' when I got to her name. ... in my cell phone... mind you... it's 4:15 in the morning.

Now luckily, it only took a couple... (few?) rings before my more sensible self piped up with "What are you doing?!?!?!" resulting in the quickest hang-up possible.

My only hope is that I did not wake her!... or her husband... or her two small children...

Disaster. :)

New Guitar!

For some time, I have been in the market for a new guitar! My other guitar (a Seagull) is basically unbeatable in my eyes. Aside from the fact that I have nearly torn a hole in it from strumming too hard [who knew that strumming the wood would not actually enhance the sound?!], it has a rich, warm tone to it. The middle and low notes [my favorite] are so pure. The acoustics are awesome, too, and the sound carries more so than most other acoustics I have played.

Alas, however, it simply does not function as an electric-acoustic. An electric pickup was added several years ago, but it does not always work, and when it does, it turns my beautiful, warm-toned guitar into a twangy, cacophony of mess!

SO! I have been looking for an additional acoustic, custom built with electric pickup and tuner. [Ideally with a cut-out for easy access to the higher notes.]  I have been borrowing such guitars for all functions where I need to plug in!

WELL- this past weekend, I was in the North Carolina mountains with a wonderful group of ladies! One of them, Angela, brought her own guitar along so that I could lead worship! On the final day of the retreat, just before I was going to lead worship, she walks up to me and says: "By the way, the Lord told me before this weekend- the guitar, and the guitar stand are yours."

Jaw. Drop. [insert 5 minutes of confusion and dumb-foundedness]

SO THANKFUL!! And it's a Takamine! I had already decided in the guitar store several days prior that I wanted a Takamine. Sighhhhhhhh... isn't the Lord great? And His children, with their incredible generosity?!

Here it is!

 Beautiful. :)

I Probably Need You!...

This was my discussion with the Lord yesterday morning:

"I have no idea what I'm doing... and You are the Creator of the universe... 

 If that's not dependency, I don't know what is!"

Funny thing about not knowing what to do-

You are reliant on the One who does!

The Lord is my Shepherd; I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters,

He refreshes my soul.

He guides me along the right paths

For His name's sake. [...]

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me [...]

Surely goodness and love will follow me

All the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the House of the Lord forever!

~Psalm 23

vs 1-3, 4b, 6

Late Night Painting

So I realized, far too late in the evening, that I wanted to do a painting for a friend of mine!

I am the definition of an amateur, being self-taught, and having only painted about 5 times previously... I find that this sort of endeavor usually takes me about 4 hours, which was convenient, considering I have been sick and needed to be in bed in precisely 1 hour and 45 minutes.

The beginning was the rough stretch. Desperation led to desperate measures, and I laughed as I whipped out my hair dryer to quicken the drying of the first couple coats!

Nevertheless, with burning eyes and an exceedingly sore back, I completed in the nick of time! ... 2 am. Dang it. Oh well. I recon this cold can last me another couple of days! [not really- be gone you evil tormentor of darkness! Grant me back that which I was given at birth- the ability to BREATHE!] ... moving on.

I forgot to take pictures until I was about half-way through, but here's the step-by-step process!

The Ancient Ruins

This is a rough draft of a poem I've worked on over the course of a year. It took me a while to find a picture that matches what I was seeing when I wrote it, but I'm very satisfied with the one found! I began the poem hardly even knowing what the ancient ruins stood for- only knowing it was something lost and hoped for. It helped me get through a rough time, and reminded me so much of Israel's exile. I have come to think that, for me, the foundation is a promise. Once lived in, once exiled from, and once more returned to. The poem is a bit too long, and I definitely want to change a couple stanzas, but that's ok. At some point, I want to edit it so that it is much more parallel to Israel's exile.  But here it is:


The Ancient Ruins
A poem of redemption

In the distance she stands-
Beaten and beautiful.
The wind makes its mark in the grass and clouds surrounding her,
But she stands calm.

I make my way slowly down the overgrown path.

Heavy beads of rain speckle the wild grasses
As the storm chases the horizon.
My feet remember their tracks,
Though the ground is washed and softer now.

And there she stands...

Her walls bare a deeper grey than before-
Their color enriched by the showers.
The stone is wet and cool,
Leaving tiny granules shimmering on my fingertips.

A bird flies overhead.

Her ceilings are gone now and light dances freely
On her mossy floor bed.
The tiny wild flowers were not there when last I saw her
In the dead of winter.

It was a time of warfare.

Her foundations rumbled with the shouts of battle cries
And the reverberations of harsh horns.
A heartless and ruthless enemy surrounded her,
Blasting holes in her impenetrable walls.

She was dying back then.
We were both dying.

Her strongholds crumbled before our eyes
And the stinging sounds of steel weapons weighted us with fear.
A merciless enemy scaled her walls,
And a jealous God struck at them with hot lightning.

We abandoned her to escape enslavement.

How long did we mourn our exile?
How hot were the seas we cried?
We clung to her memory and were slow to receive the blessings
Of a jealous and generous God.

She was all we had known.

But seasons passed, time proved faithful,
And we slowly found our joy.
We were surprised to find that hope had not been slaughtered within her walls
As we had once believed.

Her loss was a painful entrance to a deeper hope.

Foreign lands with fertile soil became our homes;
They were new, but they were warm.
They made room for us and took us in,
And we did our best to do rightly by them.

Still, we remembered her and were better for it.

I remember thinking back on her-
Before they stormed her gates,
When we were obedient and peaceful.
I dreamed, though scared, to see her yet.

A faithful God rendered me jealous for her.

I was scared, somehow, to find her gone-
That there would be no remnant, no remains.
But His jealousy had taken hold,
And I could not resist Him.

So I left for a land that may no longer exist.

The way was long, and the road was rough,
And every step was hard.
Fear meddled with a timid hope,
And nearly won me over.

Still, He led me forward.

With blinders now, I make my way-
Crossing forgotten rivers.
Every pebble shifts under my weight
As though it remembers me.

My throat swells as I reach the place where she should be.

But there she stands- these ancient ruins-
Beaten and beautiful.
The wind makes its mark in the grass and clouds surrounding her,
But she stands calm.


"May my tongue cling to the roof of my mouth if I do not remember you, if I do not consider Jerusalem my highest joy." Psalm 137:6