Life and Death

Goodbye's must be the hardest part of life. 

Yet they also have an unshared ability to detail the beauty before the goodbye. And I have to suspect that part of the uniquely sharp pain is due that our bodies here and now cannot sustain the emotion of so many memories at once. Even aside from the loss thereof on top of it all. 

The heart is the hardest working muscle of our body, but there are things even it barely endures. 

Goodbye's produce this unworldly moment, wherein beauty and pain connect and are felt all at once. 

In the moment, it is unlivable. And yet we do live. And in the end, I find that beauty wins.

Always Hopes

"No distrust made him waver concerning the promise of God, but he grew strong in his faith as he gave glory to God, fully convinced that God was able to do what He had promised."

 

"Love always hopes"

No One Hates Me

You know what bothers me the most about my "Christian walk" when I am really thinking about it?

No one hates me.

No one hates me! Not one that I know of really, truly hates me.

Jesus lived a life so radically loving, so highly offensive, and so stubbornly bent on truth, that He was hated for it. Mostly by what we would now call 'the church'. His people.

No one hates me.

I once heard someone talk about Jesus as the double-edged sword- with one side being love, and the other being truth. Honestly? Both are offensive. Those two things, in their purest forms... are offensive.

Because the Truth is that there really is only one way to the Father- and it for sure isn't through my good efforts. I could be the best person in the world- the kindest, most generous, most sacrificial person on the planet, and it's not going to get me into the good graces of God. And the Truth of love is that the person who has absolutely NO social awareness, or that person who is somewhat of a jerk and completely lacking in tact... or that person sitting next to me of very much opposing beliefs... is to be loved, and defended. That pro-choice, democratic, lesbian Buddhist. Is Jesus' friend.

But no one hates me.

Why? Because no one has reason to hate me! What Truth I have, and what Love I have... I keep to myself. Sure, I can sugar coat it under a mask of not wanting to offend, and there truly is that desire in me. But the greater desire is not to offend myself. Not to offend my reputation.

So I sit and listen while people mock that person at work that constantly smells, or the family member making a racial slur, or shoot- the things I say or think or feel or believe. Or how often I sit in uncomfortable silence when all that's bursting out of me is this gnawing desire to talk about Jesus.

I writhe in this setting of vanity, and blame my conditions for it, when there is a perfectly well-abled person sitting in my own silent chair not saying a blasted thing about it.

But no one hates me.

No one hates me.

"If the world hates you, know that it hated me before it hated you." - Jesus.

I don't love like Jesus loves. And I don't stand for Truth like Jesus does. So no one hates me.

And I hate that.

"Oh wretched man that I am- who will rescue me from this body of death?! Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!"

"Christ in me, the hope of glory."

"Be perfect therefore, as your Father in heaven is perfect."

Here's to perfection. Here's to letting Jesus talk for once. Here's to the prayer that He speak up before I filter His voice. Here's to loving so well that someone in the church hates me for it.

Here's to desperately seeking Jesus, and finding Him. And letting Him out.

"I came not to condemn the world, but to save it." -Jesus. Love. And Truth.

When Love Looks Like Conflict

My happiness today is a result of conflict. Confused?

What do you think? What does love look like? Real, heart-wrenching, I-love-you-and-I-won’t-help-it love.

I think we mistake admiration for love sometimes. Don’t get me wrong- admiration is powerful and wonderful!!! There are so many people that I admire. And I think a good handful of people who admire me. But a rectangle is not always a square.

Any relationship that gets close enough to use the word ‘love’, is at some point going to require communication. Love is most often wonderful and consuming and satisfying! But love is also vulnerable.

As unfortunate or backwards as it may seem, I have come to realize over the years that the best way to discern love is to look for the people who are willing to address the uncomfortable.

Sometimes love is messy. Sometimes love looks like conflict.

There are times that we need to take our annoyances, set them aside, forget them, and move on. But there are at other times comments or actions that run a little further than pet peeve. And I think we can deceive ourselves thinking that in love we can swallow our hurt and not address it, but we silently build walls around that portion of our heart and close off from that person in that area.

A mentor (in actual love) recently shared some things that they see about me that were very difficult for me to hear. Some of them painfully and obviously true, and maybe one or two that are misunderstandings. Feeling misunderstood was probably the hardest part. Not going to lie- there was crying.

But after the defense mechanism fades, and offense is overridden, there lies this glimmer of hope in me. Let’s do this. I’m in. Because whatever hurt there may be, or whatever misunderstandings there may be, they are willing to bring them up.

And I cherish that beyond words.

Beyond words.

It takes serious guts to address our own hurt, or to admit that we see something that is hindering life in a friend. And yet those friends are out there! There really are people that not only admire us, but want to be close to us, and will inevitably see those secret strands of imperfection. And then the kicker- love us enough NOT to say goodbye at that point, but to address their concerns.

JESUS!

Iron sharpens iron.

These people who have chosen to battle with me are the people I have given highest priority in my life. (A short list: my parents, my husband, a couple best friends, and my God.) No, I’m not just going to surround myself with people who don’t believe in me and speak illy of me. But if someone loves me enough to get close to me, and once I have offended, to address that rather than run?

CHERISH! CHERISH I SAY!

It’s just Jesus through and through.

I am so thankful to be loved so well.  And I have so much more to learn, but I really do at heart want to love well.

Christ in me, the hope of glory!

In conclusion- I am happy today, because I have been working on those things that my mentor addressed, and for the remaining misunderstandings, I know I have another person in my life willing to get dirty. Yay loving body of Christ!

Beautiful friendships = playing in the dirt together!

Things Worth Reading

So last night, craving some much-needed brain food, I dusted off an old college literature book looking for some good poetry, and found this gem!

I will not, for the fear of boring you to death, relay all of my many favorite bits from this work, but there were some that I thought worth sharing. 

Below are a few excerpts from Alexander Pope's An Essay on Criticism written in 3 parts over the course of 1709-1711. He offers his advice on strengths and failings of critics and poetry, but the piece is infused with glorious statements and applicable life lessons fit for anyone. So good. 

Here are a few!

"Be sure yourself and your own reach to know,
How far your genius, taste, and learning go;
Launch not beyond your depth, but be discreet,
And mark that point where sense and dullness meet."
-Pope. Part I. Lines 48-51

"Like kings we lose the conquests gained before,
By vain ambition still to make them more."
-Pope. Part I. Lines 64-65

"For wit and judgment often are at strife"
-Pope. Part I. Line 82

"Great wits sometimes may gloriously offend,
And rise to faults true critics dare not mend;
From vulgar bounds with brave disorder part,
And snatch a grace beyond the reach of art,
Which, without passing through the judgment, gains
The heart, and all its end at once attain."
-Pope. Part I. Lines 152-157

"Of all the causes which conspire to blind
Man's erring judgment, and misguide the mind,
What the weak head with strongest bias rules,
Is pride, the never-failing vice of fools."
-Pope. Part II. Lines 201-204

"The power of music all our hearts allow."
-Pope. Part II. Line 382

"Some ne'er advance a judgment of their own,
But catch the spreading notion of the town;
They reason and conclude by precedent,
And own stale nonsense which they ne'er invent."
-Pope. Part II. Lines 408-411

"We think our fathers fools, so wise we grow;
Our wiser sons, no doubt, will think us so."
-Pope. Part II. Lines 433-434

"To what base ends, and by what abject ways,
Are mortals urged through sacred lust of praise!
Ah, ne'er so dire a thirst of glory boast,
Nor in the critic let the man be lost!
Good nature and good sense must ever join;
To err is human, to forgive divine."
-Pope. Part II. Lines 520-525

"Be silent always when you doubt your sense;
And speak, though sure, with seeming diffidence"
-Pope. Part III. Lines 565-566

"But where's the man, who counsel can bestow,
Still pleased to teach, and yet not proud to know?
Unbiased, or by favor, or by spite:
Not dully prepossessed, nor blindly right;
Though learned, well-bred; and though well-bred, sincere;
Modestly bold, and humanly severe:
Who to a friend his faults can freely show,
And gladly praise the merit of a foe?
Blessed with a taste exact, yet unconfined;
A knowledge both of books and humankind;
Gen'rous converse; a soul exempt from pride;
And love to praise, with reason on his side?"
-Pope. Part III. Lines 631-642

"An ardent judge, who, zealous in his trust,
With warmth gives sentence, yet is always just;
Whose own example strengthens all his laws,
And is himself that great sublime he draws."
-Pope. Part III. Lines 677-680
Jesus! Ahem... :)

Alexander Pope by Michael Dahl
Look at his little quil! :)

Pianos and Hearts

Sometimes the piano seeps into me like the word of God

Piercing until it divides soul from spirit
It is able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart




Placement and Photography by Steve Hoefer

Verse: Excerpt of Hebrews 4

Look Ma, I'm Camping!

So. After a long day at work, and ignoring the fact that Switzerland has broken our truce and is currently holding my husband hostage [true story], I came home perfectly prepared to cook and clean.

I noticed this morning that it was a bit more brisk than usual, but was mostly amused by my inability to see in the bathroom due to the sauna I had apparently created by turning on the hot water. 

"A bit more brisk than usual", however, does not even come CLOSE to what it felt like when I came in from my long day at work. 

Clearly... SOMEBODY decided to stop working....

So, naturally, I did what any sensible farm girl would do; I dressed myself up to look like the Michelin Man, and plopped down in front of the fire to thaw.

Look Ma, I'm camping!!...

KUMBAYA anybody?!?!?!

(My options were to laugh at myself or have a total melt down. I think I chose wisely.)

Just as well! I'm off to see which Goat wants to cuddle with me tonight...

"Come here, you little fluff ball... give us some snuggles!"

Pretending to Paint Take 2

This is stemming from a post a year or so ago when I began teaching myself to paint.

Did a couple more paintings for my darling friend Mandee who was recently married!
Congratulations Amanda Carolyn!

The first is an inside joke from an amazing Italian restaurant in Georgia. Nothing special, just some wall decor.

The second is from a gorgeous hiking trail in Idaho! Still determined to get out there and visit them in Idaho.

All the colors!

This is the first time I have been satisfied with mountains!

Aaannnnd adding light...

Trees and Terrain!

Making the wood look like wood and the beginnings of shadowing

And there they are together! Inside joke and landscape. Hoozah!

Really had a blast doing these- mostly because they meant my friend was marrying the love of her life and I was getting to do things for her. :) These are happy times.

Hope you enjoyed!

Storming the Walls of Freedom

What does it feel like to be completely free?
To be completely unhindered by perceptions and opinions and the right way of doing things and the right way of thinking and the right way of feeling?

Jesus.

Here's the thing for me having seen the heart of God and having said yes to Him- I live in a paradox.

Because Freedom has been placed at my feet freely, but I still have to take it up in hand, and march forth with it. Freedom is available to me in an instant, but I also have to confront everything that goes against it with force. Freedom is a battle field.

The incredible thing is that Freedom really is available! That is not just a hopeful daydream or a utopian concept; Freedom is at hand! But Freedom is also a choice. I can just as easily cage myself, and live in fear of perceptions and status quo. Or I can break out of that into freedom, and actually start offering myself and everyone around me what we have craved for so long- Freedom to be loved to death and freedom to love to death. Regardless of perception. [Insert Gospel Here]

I think when I finally allow myself to be wholly free, I will meet more opposition than I have ever met in my life. I know it, because Jesus was pretty blunt about that. In this world, I will have trouble. And do not be surprised, because thus were the prophets before us treated.

But the freedom comes in that the opposition is all external. We are no longer living under internal oppression.

"This is the judgment- that light has come into the world, but people loved darkness more than light."
- John 3:18

"Thus said the Lord your God: in repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust your strength. But you would have none of it."
- Isaiah 30:15

At my core, I refuse to love darkness more than light. And I refuse to miss out on repentance, rest, quietness, and trust. I am saved. And I am strong!

PTL

Bravery at its Finest

August 28, 2013: It was a day of adventure. It was a day of facing fears. It was a day... of victory!

I should have known, when coming home to THIS in my mailbox, that I was in route to an evening of crazy.

And thus begins my tale of bravery.

It was supposed to be a normal Wednesday evening, with nothing more than farm chores and vacuuming.

ALAS, twas not but two strokes of my trusted vacuum when, what to my wandering eyes should appear, but a small slithering tail from under the curtains (insert word that rhymes with appear. I personally would go with the approximate rhyme of 'fear!!!!').

Now given- praise the Lamb- this snake was tiny. Nonetheless, let's just put this at the TOP of the list entitled "Top 5 things NOT allowed in my house."

And so began my efforts of extracting the un-welcomed visitor. Clearly, my previous methods of shot gun or shovel slamming would not be appropriate. These are not, after all, my wooden floors. I prefer to return them hole-less and gash-less.

The obvious first response was... I need a giant pot. And a stick.

And then I looked at my round pot and my flat floor, and thought: "how in the WORLD am I going to get this snake into my pot?"

And then, praise the Lamb, my brain wandered to the thought that should have come first: gloves. Kelli, you need gloves. Work gloves. Leather gloves.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen... I was going after the snake... with my hands.

"And these signs will accompany those who believe: in my name they will cast out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up serpents with their hands..." -Mark 16

And so, I took a minute to psych myself up with this verse... I literally threw my hands into the air, and worshiped the Lord Almighty who has rightfully given us this authority! Because snakes need to die. Or at minimum, be extracted from one's home. :) And so, once I (joyfully) confirmed that the snake was still behind the curtain, and I was not going to have to crawl on my hands and knees looking for it behind the couch... I went in after it.

TRIUMPH!!!

VICTORY, I tell you!

And so I released our little friend back into the wild, where he belongs.

And I sat down to a celebratory beverage to re-read my note. :) CHEERS!

Special shout out to my darling, sweet, and apparently prophetic friend, Jess. You win for motivational speech of the night.

Happy Happenings

Today was so full of happiness.

Started off the day with a wonderful Saturday drive with wonderful Saturday tunes (courtesy of a dear friend and her mad mixed-cd skills).

Then met darling Elise, where I caught up on her life, and got wrecked on the topic of worship. Spent a good deal thinking about worship and worship leading on the way home because of her. Welcomed and needed.

Afterwards, I met the incredible Jess, who kidnapped me to the least mediocre spot in Georgia. We were concerned she was over-selling it. After arrival, she was scorned for her under-selling. Incredible get-away, even better company.

And then the big moment of the night. Birthday party turned ANNOUNCEMENT party! My sister is pregnant! I'm going to be an aunt!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! So very excited. And blessed. Hope everyone had a day as blessed and dear as mine was today. Although I think there are limited ways for that to have been possible. :)

Social Media Nightmare

Oh no. Someone please, please, please delete all my social media accounts the instant I have a child.

I had no idea how little self control I would have. That is, until this afternoon... when to my delight, we discovered my absolute favorite goat (Buttons) had her twins!

Look at them! LOOK AT THEM!!!

Ahhhhh I'm dying inside like a giddy, proud parent. And they're goats. And I've only been the proud owner of Buttons for a month. And I love them. And they're not even my kids.

I just want everyone to see them and aww at them and love them.

So please, oh please, for the sake of my friends/acquaintances' sanity... strictly enforce a social-media ban for Kelli when e'er she has children. Because the world just does not need to see a million pictures of my amazing children.

No, Kelli... it doesn't. :)

Congratulations, Buttons!

Leaving the 99

I want someone to write a book called Leaving the 99. 

The more scripture you read, and the closer you get to Jesus, the more you realize how he aches for every single person he has created. He adores them; he smiles at the thought of them. At the thought of the one. 

Athens has been named a "launching pad". Being a college town, it's no wonder that people come and go constantly. But it's more than that- this beautiful little town in the heart of college shenanigans, is also swarming with missionaries. I'm talking a full-on infestation of people longing for people to know the King. Time and time again I've watched people grow increasingly antsy at staying still. They have an itch in them that lingers until they go. God be praised. If you are ever in a setting of people who genuinely love the Lord, you will instantly know them. They are the yelpers of the group- the ones who have an unfiltered squeal of excitement when someone gives word that a friend who had been searching for something more has encountered God, fallen in love with him, and chosen to devote their life to him. Truly, though. Keep your ears pealed the next time you are in a setting where someone shares that a loved one has encountered Jesus- the ones who let out a burst of excitement at that very moment- they are the ones who long for the 1. They would leave the 99. 

So what is my part in the story? I am a sender. I, of course, am also called to go, and I welcome and urge any of you to argue with me any time that I consider myself not called to go! But at heart, I am a sender. My passion is to find those with that itch to go, and to help them and serve them in any way the Lord sees fit. To encourage their hearts, to steady them in the rock that has become the corner stone, and to be by their side when they are on the field. To convince them that they are not forgotten, that their cause is worthy, and that the work is the Lord's. To be a sounding ground in their troubles, and a delighter in their triumphs. To God be the glory.

And that is why I want someone else to write the book. Leaving the 99. 

Because I don't think, for these, that it is the going that is hard. It is the leaving. Show them the one, and they are running! But it is the 99 that cause their hearts anguish. It is leaving those that have surrounded them and grown them. Leaving the ones who understand, whose hearts have beat in time with theirs. Leaving their families. Leaving their friends. 

Even Jesus went through this. He told his disciples that he must leave and go to Jerusalem and suffer many things and be killed. Peter (arguably his best friend) took him aside, with the loving nature of a friend, and said "Never Lord! This shall never happen to you!" Jesus hears the heart cry of his beloved friend, and it moves him so much that he has to proclaim "Get behind me Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God but merely human concerns" (Matthew 16). 

As a sender- how do I help in this manner? How do I help those called to go be willing to leave the 99? There is such cause for pain therein. Thus, I am so aware that this work is probably the most up to the Lord of any. To keep their eyes fixed on the road ahead of them.

"Jesus replied, 'No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'" -Luke 9:62.

I don't think He is being harsh when He says this. I think He is being realistic. Because He knows from experience. He left his Father and the kingdom of heaven to be bound eternally to flesh and blood- forsaking all else for the ones who would respond to his love and receive him. To look back is death. To look ahead is to find life. 

And so, you with hearts for the nations- you with hearts for the one. Tell me what is your motivation to leave the 99? Tell me about the 1. Tell me your passion! Lord it feels like you say in Revelation: "Let the reader understand." Because there is something deeper here that brings life like we have never known it. 

God bless to all those who have gone, are going, and will go some day. Passion, Patience, and Peace be with you all in the Name of our Lord. 

Ridiculous

Husband: "You're ridiculous!"
Me: "You love me!"
Husband: "I do! Even though you're ridiculous!"

And this is the gospel. Said by my earthly husband, in mirror to my Husband to be.

Glory, hallelujah, amen. :)

When Good Intentions Yield Bad Fruit

So here's a lesson to bring freedom!
 

I have suffered myself much pain the past handful of years over things that I meant to be good, but had terrible yield. Close friendships that I watched fearfully or tearfully crumble before my eyes, and everything I did seemed to make it worse. I felt so rejected. And we all know how much rejection has good yield........... :) (oops!) It truly took a toll on my emotions, how I viewed myself, and how I viewed people around me. Leave it to the Lord, though, to help save me through marriage. 

A few weeks ago my wonderful husband and I were driving along, having a delightful little road trip back home. When much to my surprise, he started getting particularly irritated at a car driving tens of miles under the speed limit [not really surprised at all- it is a strong person indeed who can suffer such torture without becoming irate!]. Nonetheless, seeing my husband flustered, and wanting him to be at peace, I set about trying to cheer him up. Apparently my version of helping was the same as putting out a fire by throwing cans of hair spray on it. Once more, and yet again, my helping made things worse. "I will not attempt to convey the depth of [my] despair." (See Pride and Prejudice). Truly, though, I was extremely hurt by it. How can it be that when I was trying to help, I was made the enemy?! I will not allow anyone at this point to think wrongly of my husband, because in truth, he was not at fault! And that, my friends, is the lesson of freedom the Lord is teaching me. 

Sometimes the way we love, or the way we want to help, does no good at all! And when we see that, and yet continue attempting to help in the same way we have been helping (hurting), it becomes the moment we stop loving. 

Take Peter... darling, darling Peter. :) Poor bloke! How many times do his good intentions get denied by his very love, Jesus?! He tries to tell Jesus he will not allow him to be killed, and Jesus says "get behind me Satan!" [one of my personal favorite revelations- ask later if interested.] Later, a mob comes to take Jesus captive, Peter draws his sword to defend Him, and Jesus rebukes him. I'll be honest, I would be on the ground sobbing if I were Peter. haha. Still learning the art of criticism here, people. :) 

But here's the ticket: Peter can take it, because he has the humility to receive the correction rather than taking in swells of self-pity. Self-pity will kill you! Humility will save you. And believe it or not, humility involves not beating yourself up over something. Take Judas vs. Peter. Judas hung himself, whereas Peter faced Jesus even in his sorrow, and became the rock on which the church was built. 

And this is how the Lord is saving me these days. Healing me. Instead of soaking myself in confusion and hurt because my good intentions were rejected, realize that my good intentions were not yielding good fruit! And that's ok! There's nothing wrong with the people who couldn't receive love in the way I tried to give it. Sometimes we need to spend less time feeling hurt, and more time figuring out how to love the person in the way they need to be loved. And if there's one thing you learn in marriage, it's that half the time, the best way to help is to keep your mouth shut! :) Honestly, though: love the way that will help. That's my lesson! And it's making me happy.

And to complete the healing process, there is this:

"And when those who were around him saw what would follow, they said, 'Lord, shall we strike with the sword?' And Simon Peter struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his right ear. The servant's name was Malchus. But Jesus said, 'No more of this!' And he touched his ear and healed him." (combination of Luke 22:49-51 and John 18:10-11) Jesus heals where I wound. And thus I am free!

Repentance vs. Fearing Rejection

So here's a well-welcomed slap in the paradigmatic face: many times what I had been considering to be a feeling of repentance was really just a fear inside me that I would be rejected by God. I remember many times struggling through repentance, riddled with fear, and confused. Why was my repentance not alleviating my fear? It is because my 'I'm sorry's were really more pleas of 'please don't look at me.'

I won't pretend to describe how settling it was this morning when I was working through something and asked the Lord for forgiveness, and His response was 'You are afraid I will reject you.' I wasn't really asking for forgiveness... It was the only thing I knew to say in the presence of rejection.

Leave it to Him to ignore my request for forgiveness and go straight to "I'm not rejecting you..."

So many scriptures flood the mind: "His kindness leads to repentance" [not my repentance leads to His kindness] "approach the throne of grace with confidence"...

I could write about 10 blogs on this, but however poorly executed it may be in my own life, I do really believe that repentance is much less about how filthy we are, and much more about how incredibly holy He is. If I want to understand repentance and forgiveness at all, I need to sit and gaze at His righteousness and soak in His holiness. I mean truly sit in amazement and in awe of His glory.

Only then I can realize that Jesus was enough for me. And out of that place, I will find true repentance. Because then it is not out of a debilitating fear that I will be rejected... it is in a place of faith knowing that "oh my Lord, He is so holy and pure and perfect, and He was enough for me, and I am accepted by You and by Him..." and out of a place of acceptance... to ask for His forgiveness.

Have you ever had a friend so wonderful that you are able to lay your failures right before them, and know the whole time that they will accept you? It is somewhat rare and incredibly beautiful and freeing.

To be on friendly terms with God is just an incredible thing, and it really is no wonder that I have such a hard time fathoming it when I feel like I should have disappointed Him. But when I take my eyes off myself and really consider who He is... I can ask forgiveness out of a place of friendship. And that is freeing. 

That is when repentance will lead to what I had thought it would lead to all this time: rest. (Isaiah 30:15a)

Is That Necessary?!

Ok people... let's discuss detergent.

I mean if the name itself doesn't say it all... detergent. deter... gent.

Deter- "to discourage or restrain from acting or proceeding" [dictionary.com]
Gent- ... short for gentleman? ... or "elegant; graceful"

This does not bode well.

Ok, ok... yes, I know it is really an agent of deterge [to cleanse, to wash off].

But let me show you the source of my hysterics:

THIS!!!

This, people, is the source of my hysterics!

And this is only ONE brand!

TIDE!





I feel like they should have motion sensors that go off whenever you walk down this aisle, that immediately send off symphonies of music from horror films. Particularly that lovely note that is tension-riddled and sounds 3 times.  Because that is precisely what is going on in my head when I see this HORRID aisle!

WHAT COULD I POSSIBLY NEED WITH 4 MILLION DETERGENT CHOICES?!

It starts with the type. How do you want it? Liquid? Because if you don't want liquid, we do have it in powder, you know. Although... who can stand all that POURING?! Try our easy-to-use Tide PODS!!!!   Seriously America?!?! You can't just pour some liquid into a large gaping hole?!

But why stop there? Because there are soooooo many different types of dirt to get out of your different types of clothing. Thus, we have a different detergent, for every single piece of clothing you currently have heaping in your laundry basket.

We have whiter whites [because who can stand a dull white?], odor elimination [because even though the other ones clean... the smell is still horrid], sports fabrics [because those are so different?], Dye and Perfume free [because even our smell-good ones don't smell good], faded clothes [............. because our older versions apparently failed miserably?], and extra stain removal [not to be confused with the stain boosters, which is a separate product to be sprayed pre-wash].

Not enough? Do you want bleach? Acti-Lift? Tide plus febreeze? Tide plus febreeze SPORT? [HONESTLY?! FEBREEZE SPORT?!], Tide Free, Tide plus Downy, or for your special washers, HE Tide with Acti-Lift.

I honestly cried, outloud, in the middle of the store: "DO YOU CLEAN?! OR DO YOU NOT CLEAN?! THAT'S ALL I NEED TO KNOW!"

What happened to the good ole days? "Wow... that's dirty... throw it in the wash! ... with some soap!"

Done. Cleaned. Stain gone. Happy Birthday!

Ok... I'll get off my soap box now. Quite literally. :)

This post is in compliance with the annual Kelli-rant code, and has been filed under 'mild hysterics.' No clothes were cleaned in the writing of this post.

Just Another Satisfying Saturday!

So we all know that Saturday TV is just about the worst... but nothing beats Saturday radio! It's as though the DJ's realize that life really isn't all that bad on a Saturday!

Honestly absolutely nothing special about this picture. Except that I took it while I was extremely contented with my Saturday afternoon drive to the grocery store, listening to the aforementioned excellent radio shuffle. (The grocery store trip was great- yogurt, 96 fluid ounces of Gatorade, and new eye shadow!) I stopped momentarily at the Red Box, but about 10 seconds of cold wind while holding my four bags of groceries really was more than I bargained for. I decided I had plenty of movies at home. :)

And so THIS became my Saturday afternoon!!!!

The essence of happiness! Pizza Hutt Supreme (Pizza Hutt being the absolute best pizza, and no I will not argue this one, because it's obvious!), fluids, fluids, and more fluids, and an upbeat musical based on Abba songs! I'm sorry... how could one be sad on a day such as this?! Impossible.

It's been an excellent afternoon, my friends. Hoping your day is full of peace. :)

Cheers!! And God Bless!

Downfalls of Having Your Boss' Cell Phone Number

It was a chilling night in the bedroom of a young and sleepless girl. Everything within her shook with an uneasiness which every second convinced her more so that something was wrong. Careful consideration and countless minutes of pouring over the nights' events led her to the only possible conclusion: it was the chili.

Ohhhhhhhh the chili. This girl was never made for chili in the first place. And now her body was telling her exactly what it felt about her consumption thereof.

You have probably guessed it already- but yes, I did in fact stay up the wee hours of the morning having all kinds of stomach issues [the details of which I will spare you- I should be the only one traumatized in this story]!

But here is where the major downfall of the story takes place. Trying to be a decent employee, I wisely chose to call my boss and inform her that I would be an hour or two late coming in. This would all have been swell, were it not for the fact that I have her cell phone number.

It's funny how 4:15 in the morning can have such a debilitating effect on one's mind. Rather than dialing my work number, and skillfully wandering my way through the automated dialing system to find her name, my only thought was: "I need to call [boss' name]...", and so.... that is what I did! I scrolled right through my contacts, and proudly pressed s'end' when I got to her name. ... in my cell phone... mind you... it's 4:15 in the morning.

Now luckily, it only took a couple... (few?) rings before my more sensible self piped up with "What are you doing?!?!?!" resulting in the quickest hang-up possible.

My only hope is that I did not wake her!... or her husband... or her two small children...

Disaster. :)

New Guitar!

For some time, I have been in the market for a new guitar! My other guitar (a Seagull) is basically unbeatable in my eyes. Aside from the fact that I have nearly torn a hole in it from strumming too hard [who knew that strumming the wood would not actually enhance the sound?!], it has a rich, warm tone to it. The middle and low notes [my favorite] are so pure. The acoustics are awesome, too, and the sound carries more so than most other acoustics I have played.

Alas, however, it simply does not function as an electric-acoustic. An electric pickup was added several years ago, but it does not always work, and when it does, it turns my beautiful, warm-toned guitar into a twangy, cacophony of mess!

SO! I have been looking for an additional acoustic, custom built with electric pickup and tuner. [Ideally with a cut-out for easy access to the higher notes.]  I have been borrowing such guitars for all functions where I need to plug in!

WELL- this past weekend, I was in the North Carolina mountains with a wonderful group of ladies! One of them, Angela, brought her own guitar along so that I could lead worship! On the final day of the retreat, just before I was going to lead worship, she walks up to me and says: "By the way, the Lord told me before this weekend- the guitar, and the guitar stand are yours."

Jaw. Drop. [insert 5 minutes of confusion and dumb-foundedness]

SO THANKFUL!! And it's a Takamine! I had already decided in the guitar store several days prior that I wanted a Takamine. Sighhhhhhhh... isn't the Lord great? And His children, with their incredible generosity?!

Here it is!

 Beautiful. :)